night stealing

10 Feb

although this was very ashamed, but i thought that i still have to face the truth.

I slept at ten thirty last night and woke at six. Then, i uncontrollably opened a box of milk chocolate finger biscuits and finished the whole box. i realized this when all the fingers were finished and strangely I didn’t force myself to take photos of those fingers, but just only the box, because i afraid that on-ing the light will wake my brother up who sleeps with me in the same room.

i am so tired of binge eating, and now, i even developed night eating, or i can actually name this as night stealing, i really feel like that.

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2 Responses to “night stealing”

  1. ~Jessica~ February 10, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    Facing up to bingeing habits is one of the hardest things to do, so for starters please don’t be ashamed of yourself. I can only relate this to person experience, but I have a lot of trouble in the mornings too, even more than at other times of day. The other ‘danger’ time tends to be late evenings. This is because I’m either miserable about the prospect of facing a new day (morning), or exhausted and can’t fight the compulsion to eat any more having battled it all day (evening).

    I’m unsure whether your family knows about your struggles, but to help me in those hours my parents have locked away foods such as chocolate, biscuits and the like. I can obviously still go out and buy things to binge on during the day, but it does remove that temptation from the immediate vicinity.

    Secondly, I don’t know your actual weight, even though you’ve mentioned a very low goal. I know it doesn’t apply to me, and I get rather irate when others suggest this, but with some of my friends the bingeing, particularly ‘night stealing’ as you put it, has happened because they’re hungry during the night, or their body is still very underweight, even if it’s not as thin as it once was. Even at normal weights, if you’ve been severely anorexic in the past, there’s still a biological drive to eat that can peak at certain times.

    Night eating tends to occur when the person is still only partially conscious/in stages of REM so I don’t think you necessarily have that, and I would not brand your actions ‘stealing’ or call you a theif because what you do doesn’t come from greed, not at all. I do hope that things get better for you and I had a solution to these binges: I just want to try to reassure you that you are a good person, and beating yourself up over bingeing can be a binge trigger in itself. So try to be kind to yourself, hard though I know it is.

    Hugs

    xxx

    • bananahut February 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

      thanks my dearest friend, i know my goal is actually a bit too low in your eyes, but as i’ve really gained 60lbs for this, i really want so much to be thin.

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