lack a boyfriend?

14 Apr

today i worked on three flavor of pudding:

1. molasses cinnamon-y chocolate

2. sun warrior vanilla sweet-y

3. coconut(wow i’m so brave not afraid myself to binge on it)

then put both used spoons into a huge bowl of fromage frais oats, umm…so much better now:)

after watching the new tv show, i would like mention a great change on me becuz of my sickness.

i don’t need handsome guy/rich business man to be my partner<3 but i really want him to know my sickness and don’t hurt me with words touching my sickness:(

i don’t need my partner really put me at his first position but i really need him to know my weaknesses, and plain boil veggie for me when i want instead of yelling everywhere “THIS GIRL IS HAVING SOME SERIOUS ED~!”/ let me eat some cookies when i want instead of seeing me binge on them but then yelling at me”YOU USED ALL YOUR MONEY ON CRAP FOOD~!” afterwards.

i want everything quick and simple, without guessing what he’s thinking/letting him guess what i’m thinking. i want him to know—I HAD, AND AM HAVING, A VERY SERIOUS ED.

i don’t need him to lie to me that i cook delicious food, but i need him to remind me, cooking oily food for others is not correct and is a sickness.

i don’t need him to tell me he loves me even if i’m a pig, because i know every man prefer beautiful ladies.

i know, I KNEW.

i’m not lacking a boyfriend-kind-of-love, but i now know, my sickness really affected me so much.

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2 Responses to “lack a boyfriend?”

  1. MissPistachio April 14, 2012 at 4:43 pm #

    Oh my darling…I know if I was still struggling so much with an ED that I would have all of these same anxieties. Which is why my husband really never knew that I had an ED, I kept it from him really well. I didn’t want him to see me differently because of it or act like he had to babysit what I ate. What is ironic is that he left me after I got well. Misery loves company. I was no longer miserable, so he was no longer interested. The man who will very possibly be my future boyfriend has loved me through all stages of my life. He loved me when I was skinny, he loved me when I was fat. He loved me when I had an ED and was depressed. And he still loves me now that I am happy and managing/recovering. He knows what happened. And he doesn’t feel as though he needs to babysit me. He knows I’m a big girl who can take care of myself. He loves me exactly as I am at any point in time.

    YOU CAN find someone like that. A man can love you and find you beautiful no matter waht you look like. Or what you eat. Or maybe if you’re depressed sometimes. THEY DO EXIST!!!

    • bananahut April 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

      yes, i really hope my partner would never judge my food…my grandmother complains about my food’s taste/nutrition everyday…maybe i was too tired of that already:(

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