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used up photo uploading amount!!!:(

17 Apr

today i would to tell you guys what new products i saw in my usual shopping store. firstly it comes with gluten-free cereal cookie with fruits by Dr Schaer.

i usually choose gluten free snacks by their ingredients, this one contains milk chocolate, maize flour, cane sugar, potato starch, non hydrogenated vegetable fat, lots of different dried fruits, soy, corn, chestnut and coconut.

maize flour is actually corn, and cane sugar is still sugar.

potato has no protein, while non hydrogenated fat is usually palm oil, which’s my fear food too.

it contains raising agents which i don’t really care as much as lots of “healthy” people including my mom, but it does have caramel sugar syrup which i think it was a bad includes.

it states itself to be high in fiber, which maybe comes from dried fruits, corn and coconut.
dried fruits, is much worse than fresh fruits, which i absolutely LOVE to eat more if i really want more fiber!!!!!!:) easy!!!!
corn, actually, one of fear foods that’s. in my eyes, corn is just—1.full of fat
                                                                                                                                   2.full of carbs
                                                                                                                                   4.just another kind of grains which has NO GOOD THINGS LIKE SPINACH
coconut, love it, i used it in protein muffin, banana chocolate pie, macaroon, egg white cookies…etc, nice, and i don’t care they go into that cereal cookie by dr schaer.
but as the wafer and double chocolate cookies by them i’ve tried was not so good, maybe i’ll not click this as my option:(

do u wanna be a bride?

17 Apr

i quite love sharing my thoughts about movies and tv program in hong kong than to tell yuo guys how i binge everyday, nor how i am such fat/ugly/…etc bitch thing.

so i am going to share another show again—the bride wannabes.

it’s also a program about self-image, about five main characters: suki, gobby, bonnie, mandy and florence.

i didn’t really watch thw full part, just listening to the video and some small parts of this tv program, becuz i not that support people stepping on female to say like they are rubbish waiting for male to pick them up.

SUKI, i don’t think she is as beautiful as those boys said, including my brother expressed that he liked her most. she is 83lbs, not as light as when i was weakest, but 83lbs in her look and height was really sick. she is pale, not giving out brightness like “oh she glows”, plus that she is so excited when talking “doctors”, “lawyers”…blah, blah blah. i hate people only looking at surface or their appearance to judge their ability.

Gobby was ok, a true person which i like my partner to be, i prefer arguing/fighting instead of guessing.

BONNIE is not originally living in hong kong and so her character is like not so “hong kong girls”, but i don’t really think she’s what so special, cuz she’s just like a stupid boy, instead of a caring and strong boy-ish liknd of girl.

i just think she talks non-sense.

OH. I LIKED MANDY SO MUCH. really, she is strong, smart, only 30years old, young and beautiful. she makes herself pretty, but not really do a lot of make up or that kind of love-money-so-much-girl, and most importantly,

she has the same idea with me,

which is she’ll only spend 1/3 for lovers, becuz her career and family are so important too. i love that quote.

florence was dull, i really don’t wanna introduce her. just another not-yet-married old lady.

i hate the “teachers” in this show asking girls to be the last one sending “sms”, last one phone-ing your parter, sitting 45* to show your partner he’s not the only choice…etc. uhh…i wanna tell those teachers to go die!!!!!!! what’s love meaning?

to sit 45* and let him feel he’s going to lose you anytime? let him worry you’ll leave him alone someday?

crazy!!!!! i don’t agree at all for these ideas for making a good relationship with lovers.

uhh…stupid guys=teachers nowaday…:(

self love, not self hate

17 Apr

yes my hair is ugly and my lips are so dry, but i suddenly think that my arm/hand is actually quite OK to look at:P also, when i was watching the good movie i’ve introduced yesterday, i also found that my legs were OK too!!!:) though so large like elephant legs, they’re full of muscles becuz of my running habit, instead of like all fat like my brother~~:P

also, my body starts going upwards, i think running does help in this area…oh, but my belly/tummy is still SO BIG and fat. sad.


self image

16 Apr

today i didn’t went to any exercise, but surprising i didn’t feel fat at all.

i binge on three boxes of chocolate cookie with 14 movies, and then followed with two fruits and two energy bars to wash my mouth, though this is obviously a failure day, really, i didn’t feel fat and ugly at all.


i’ll never give up, i am beautiful, and the thing i have to do is stop my binge habit.

i must stop it.

and stay loving myself like today.


i trust myself.

(by the way, simsimi is so cute!!!)

iron lady—i’ll be

15 Apr

watch your thoughts, for they become words.

watch your words, for they become actions.

watch your actions, for they become habits(for me it should binge everyday):(

watch your habits, for they become your character.

watch your character, for it becomes your DESTINY(i’ll make myself very successful some day):)

what we think, we become.

so true. i never believe a ED girl can fully recover, and i never think that i can leave BINGE EATING away from me.

that’s why i really still binge now.

and gained 3lbs in two days:(

but i did go to run as much as possible, and will continue until i can strengthen my mind that i can fully control myself, as what i want myself to do, and how i want myself to be.

i’ll be better.

i’ll be the best.


drenched—by wanting

15 Apr

When minutes become hours
When days become years
And I dont know where you are
Color seems so dull without you

Have we lost our minds?
What have we done?
But it all doesnt seem to matter anymore

When you kissed me on that street, I kissed you back
You held me in your arms, I held you in mine
You picked me up to lay me down
When I look into your eyes

I can hear you cry for a little bit more of you and I
Im drenched in your love
Im no longer able to hold it back

Is it too late to ask for love?
Is it wrong to feel right?
When the world is winding down
Thoughts of you linger around

Have we lost our minds?
What have we done?
But it all doesnt seem to matter anymore

When you kissed me on that street, I kissed you back
You held me in your arms, I held you in mine
You picked me up to lay me down
When I look into your eyes

I can hear you cry for a little bit more of you and I
Im drenched in your love
Im no longer able to hold it back

i realized that night time is my weakness, becuz i eat no matter i’m hungry or i’m depressed, i just push everything in sight into my mouth and eat them all.

but one thing surprised me is i REALLY LOVE FRESH VEGGIE/FRUIT DIPPING HUMMUS, than sugary/chocolate-y snacks!!!:)

gluten freeX healthy

15 Apr

oh so sad, finding gluten free dairy free egg free food is sometimes making your weight loss plan so bad:( why?

i’ve bought a pack of GLUTINO milk chocolate wafer which is nearly everything free, but it had palm oil and the worst thing was that i can’t resist finishing the whole pack which was having 22wafers while containing more than a thousand calories:(

i did really binge the whole pack in half an hour!!!

and gluten free cookies are still having high calorie rice flour/rice starch, so gluten free never equals to healthy.

however, i would never try eating normal(i mean not following gluten free)because i really found myself very allergic to gluten…dairy and egg may be a little less but gluten especially flour, made me headache, fever, (just wanna kind of-)vomit….etc.

i should work on portion control then:P