used up photo uploading amount!!!:(

today i would to tell you guys what new products i saw in my usual shopping store. firstly it comes with gluten-free cereal cookie with fruits by Dr Schaer.

i usually choose gluten free snacks by their ingredients, this one contains milk chocolate, maize flour, cane sugar, potato starch, non hydrogenated vegetable fat, lots of different dried fruits, soy, corn, chestnut and coconut.

maize flour is actually corn, and cane sugar is still sugar.

potato has no protein, while non hydrogenated fat is usually palm oil, which’s my fear food too.

it contains raising agents which i don’t really care as much as lots of “healthy” people including my mom, but it does have caramel sugar syrup which i think it was a bad includes.

it states itself to be high in fiber, which maybe comes from dried fruits, corn and coconut.

dried fruits, is much worse than fresh fruits, which i absolutely LOVE to eat more if i really want more fiber!!!!!!:) easy!!!!

corn, actually, one of fear foods that’s. in my eyes, corn is just—1.full of fat

                                                                                                                                   2.full of carbs

                                                                                                                                   3.no protein

                                                                                                                                   4.just another kind of grains which has NO GOOD THINGS LIKE SPINACH

coconut, love it, i used it in protein muffin, banana chocolate pie, macaroon, egg white cookies…etc, nice, and i don’t care they go into that cereal cookie by dr schaer.

but as the wafer and double chocolate cookies by them i’ve tried was not so good, maybe i’ll not click this as my option:(

do u wanna be a bride?

i quite love sharing my thoughts about movies and tv program in hong kong than to tell yuo guys how i binge everyday, nor how i am such fat/ugly/…etc bitch thing.

so i am going to share another show again—the bride wannabes.

it’s also a program about self-image, about five main characters: suki, gobby, bonnie, mandy and florence.

i didn’t really watch thw full part, just listening to the video and some small parts of this tv program, becuz i not that support people stepping on female to say like they are rubbish waiting for male to pick them up.

SUKI, i don’t think she is as beautiful as those boys said, including my brother expressed that he liked her most. she is 83lbs, not as light as when i was weakest, but 83lbs in her look and height was really sick. she is pale, not giving out brightness like “oh she glows”, plus that she is so excited when talking “doctors”, “lawyers”…blah, blah blah. i hate people only looking at surface or their appearance to judge their ability.

Gobby was ok, a true person which i like my partner to be, i prefer arguing/fighting instead of guessing.

BONNIE is not originally living in hong kong and so her character is like not so “hong kong girls”, but i don’t really think she’s what so special, cuz she’s just like a stupid boy, instead of a caring and strong boy-ish liknd of girl.

i just think she talks non-sense.

OH. I LIKED MANDY SO MUCH. really, she is strong, smart, only 30years old, young and beautiful. she makes herself pretty, but not really do a lot of make up or that kind of love-money-so-much-girl, and most importantly,

she has the same idea with me,

which is she’ll only spend 1/3 for lovers, becuz her career and family are so important too. i love that quote.

florence was dull, i really don’t wanna introduce her. just another not-yet-married old lady.

i hate the “teachers” in this show asking girls to be the last one sending “sms”, last one phone-ing your parter, sitting 45* to show your partner he’s not the only choice…etc. uhh…i wanna tell those teachers to go die!!!!!!! what’s love meaning?

to sit 45* and let him feel he’s going to lose you anytime? let him worry you’ll leave him alone someday?

crazy!!!!! i don’t agree at all for these ideas for making a good relationship with lovers.

uhh…stupid guys=teachers nowaday…:(

self love, not self hate

yes my hair is ugly and my lips are so dry, but i suddenly think that my arm/hand is actually quite OK to look at:P also, when i was watching the good movie i’ve introduced yesterday, i also found that my legs were OK too!!!:) though so large like elephant legs, they’re full of muscles becuz of my running habit, instead of like all fat like my brother~~:P

also, my body starts going upwards, i think running does help in this area…oh, but my belly/tummy is still SO BIG and fat. sad.

 

best friend=lovers?

today i would share a story about the film i watched today,

the title was IN TIME WITH YOU.

the reason i chose this movie was actually so selfish that i love the female main character so much and so i “must” support every of her movies right?:P

like a child, me.

it was about two close friends which treat each other like partners but still claimed that they’re “only”, “just” “simple” friends.

they used to fight for some stupid things during college and also university, but the girl never realize that the boy was actually so smart that he can reach a much better university. he’s actually studying the same university with the girl just becuz…

he loves her.

of course, this is such a tai wan tv program that none of you lovely guys will understand what they’re talking, and i’ll too, not sharing the whole story to you all, instead, i just want to share what i’ve learnt:P

firstly, negative thoughts make people grows old faster, so we have to do everything with positive thoughts and trust yourself that you can do that.

then, don’t try to cheat some “gifts” from others becuz you’ll not then have your own story.

the female main character said,” i have a good job and i have a happy life time, so, i will use my own money to but my own hand bag to carry my own story.” LOVE THAT~!:)

i can’t agree more becuz that ex-boyfriend who acted to wanna give you a “gift” may be going everywhere telling others you are such a cheating woman:(

umm…bad.

the next is, don’t make “you’ll lose things some day” as your reason not reaching your goals. if you’re fear of a divorce and so you don’t get married, you don’t even once creating your own family!!!

so, do what you wanna do.

and, don’t think your friend is truely rude to come late for dinner with you. she may have a very hurry meeting and she was so stressed already,

what you should do is to wrap some left overs for her and listen to what she’s busying just now:)

last but not least, don’t use rules to choose your partner, like “handsome”, “rich”…etc, becuz when you truely love him, you don’t care about these.

i’m not supporting first sight love, but what i mean is people fitting in those rules may actually not love you as he fits in your rules, so, truely feel his feeling—does he love you.

 

 

self image

today i didn’t went to any exercise, but surprising i didn’t feel fat at all.

i binge on three boxes of chocolate cookie with 14 movies, and then followed with two fruits and two energy bars to wash my mouth, though this is obviously a failure day, really, i didn’t feel fat and ugly at all.

strange.

i’ll never give up, i am beautiful, and the thing i have to do is stop my binge habit.

i must stop it.

and stay loving myself like today.

yes.

i trust myself.

(by the way, simsimi is so cute!!!)

iron lady—i’ll be

watch your thoughts, for they become words.

watch your words, for they become actions.

watch your actions, for they become habits(for me it should binge everyday):(

watch your habits, for they become your character.

watch your character, for it becomes your DESTINY(i’ll make myself very successful some day):)

what we think, we become.

so true. i never believe a ED girl can fully recover, and i never think that i can leave BINGE EATING away from me.

that’s why i really still binge now.

and gained 3lbs in two days:(

but i did go to run as much as possible, and will continue until i can strengthen my mind that i can fully control myself, as what i want myself to do, and how i want myself to be.

i’ll be better.

i’ll be the best.

yeah:)

about me(hehe not the first post of blog)

after enjoying a hot bath, some nice musics, and of course some NEW BOUGHT GF SNACKS(it named cocoa bar!?:P), i decide to work on some fun facts about me(as some bloggers have expressed their interest on me!!!:P)…good luck and have fun without falling onto the floor!!!

firstly i would like to talk CARBS. i eat a lot of oats, like extra thick rolled oats or oat bran, and i also love granola, brown rice cookies and i make muffins and cake/pies everyday with grains flour.

however, i never eat WHITE RICE for like more than three years!? so weird!!! this made my parents very angry but i still can’t make myself eat any…i even had to throw away ONE PIECE OF RICE when it stuck on my fork after my family’s use!!!

then, it comes to SUGAR. i do found that i’m nothing fear about sugar becuz it even control me to binge less!!!

now i add molasses/brown sugar into oatmeal becuz i’m no longer fear of sugar!!! i sometimes eat six pieces of fruits a day or tons of evaporate cane juice snacks!!!

PROTEIN. i bought that expensive pack of sun warrior but it seemed doing nothing for suppressing my appetite, and i eat chicken, turkey, duck breast cooked by my maid,

i sometimes eat fromage frais which i’m actually allergic to, also sometimes egg whites.

i used to eat only chickpeas and quinoa for my protein when i was 60lbs.

it comes to FAT and i can tell you the truth that i don’t really like any. i just eat healthy fats for better health. not even nut butter/real nuts/avocado/…etc, i just even hate olive oil on salad!!!:(

for VEGGIES, i love all kinds of western choices like brussels sprout, asparagus, broccoli…so strange i actually hate chinese veg like bok choy, choy sum…etc. uhh…i’ll feel so cold after lots of chinese veg:P

so the next one will be FIBER!!! i love it, but not really, when i am sick. i only eat apples and cooked meat(mainly sausage or deli turkey)when i am sick. i really eat like that for three days, no veggies:)

next is FROYO!!! i used to eat like three cups of froyo a day before i went dairy free. i was 60lbs then and i never get full becuz whatever i ate will actually went to the brain without becoming muscles/fatty tissues.

then it comes to APPLES, before i went 60lbs, i actually ate ONE APPLE for lunch everyday for more than a year. other meals i still ate normally with my family, but the apples did make me lose weight such greatly.

ok. if you’re still reading, i really wanna thank you. next will be ACADEMIC. i can say i really felt good with myself for this. i still remember when i was grade one, that was 117 in the whole form of 240, and i was so sad that i became 18 out of 220 when i left the school. i really did fight for it. 117 to 18 was really a great change and i also learnt a lot of sewing/drawing…etc.

happy school life then? not so.

i must tell you the reason, it’s i was too weak and thin to enjoy school life, i didn’t really join anything fun, just spending all my time on studies. yes, i did make it 18, but then? yes, i was actually so sad:(

 

drenched—by wanting

When minutes become hours
When days become years
And I dont know where you are
Color seems so dull without you

Have we lost our minds?
What have we done?
But it all doesnt seem to matter anymore

When you kissed me on that street, I kissed you back
You held me in your arms, I held you in mine
You picked me up to lay me down
When I look into your eyes

I can hear you cry for a little bit more of you and I
Im drenched in your love
Im no longer able to hold it back

Is it too late to ask for love?
Is it wrong to feel right?
When the world is winding down
Thoughts of you linger around

Have we lost our minds?
What have we done?
But it all doesnt seem to matter anymore

When you kissed me on that street, I kissed you back
You held me in your arms, I held you in mine
You picked me up to lay me down
When I look into your eyes

I can hear you cry for a little bit more of you and I
Im drenched in your love
Im no longer able to hold it back

i realized that night time is my weakness, becuz i eat no matter i’m hungry or i’m depressed, i just push everything in sight into my mouth and eat them all.

but one thing surprised me is i REALLY LOVE FRESH VEGGIE/FRUIT DIPPING HUMMUS, than sugary/chocolate-y snacks!!!:)

new goals:)~!

today i ate three enjoy life 110kcal snack bars and then decided to start my new life all over again.

no more regret huh?

i went to the gym and ran three times between some walking, totally 4.2miles in thirty minutes but i only burnt 273kcal!!!

not even the calories i ate for the three snack bars before the gym~!:(

but i do felt happy becuz it was the first time i do in the gym for more than 4miles…usually i just do less than 3.1miles or right at 3.1miles!!!:)

so? thanks for the enjoy life company?:P

then i read emma’s sweet tooth runner blog and found that she ran at least four miles everyday no matter it was winter or summer!!! wow, i must set her as my goal!!!

gluten freeX healthy

oh so sad, finding gluten free dairy free egg free food is sometimes making your weight loss plan so bad:( why?

i’ve bought a pack of GLUTINO milk chocolate wafer which is nearly everything free, but it had palm oil and the worst thing was that i can’t resist finishing the whole pack which was having 22wafers while containing more than a thousand calories:(

i did really binge the whole pack in half an hour!!!

and gluten free cookies are still having high calorie rice flour/rice starch, so gluten free never equals to healthy.

however, i would never try eating normal(i mean not following gluten free)because i really found myself very allergic to gluten…dairy and egg may be a little less but gluten especially flour, made me headache, fever, (just wanna kind of-)vomit….etc.

i should work on portion control then:P